"it's like watching a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob!" -patches o'houlihan

last night was the second night of our dodgeball league at the college. it was also the second time i've played dodgeball since i was nine.

a quote, from rawson marshall thurber, the director of the dodgeball movie: "when you say dodgeball to someone, they either smile or break into a cold sweat. everyone has a visceral memory of either getting hit or hitting someone. it's a sport of violence, exclusion and degradation."

i would have to concur with mr. thurber on that.

it was absolute bloodlust in that gym - whenever someone got pegged in the game, everyone watching on the sidelines just groaned. except it's not a "damn, that hurt!" kind of groan, but rather a "damn, that was awesome!" gleeful type of groan.

we played three games, and they are very brief affairs, none of them lasting longer than 5 or 6 minutes. there are 6 players to a side. the game takes place on a 3/4 size basketball court, with one team per half of the court. if you're hit on the fly, you're out. if you throw at someone and they catch your ball, you're out, and they get to bring one of their own teammates back in. if it's down to 2 players or less on your side, you can shoot at the basketball hoop on the opposing team's side, and if you make that shot then your whole team comes back in.

those are the basics, sounds relatively tame right? wrong. these crappy, lopsided, red playground balls get absolutely hurled by players. i mean, i'd guess 60 mph & up on some throws - it's actually kind of scary. and when they see a team full of faculty and staff, all age thirty something or older, they start rubbing their hands together and licking their chops like they're all chicken hawks and we're foghorn leghorn.

we lost all three games. but none of us got pegged in the head or nuts. and that, my friends, is how you maintain your dodgeball dignity.